I have been blogging since May 2008. I had originally started this little space when I was going to college because I wanted to have a place where I could write what I wanted to write; making people laugh, and provoking a new idea or thought. Between then and now you have seen all sides of me, moving through life at different speeds and taking it by the horns.
Figuring out who I am and why I blog has been a journey in and of itself. At times I wrote for self satisfaction; watching my writing progress with experience. Other times it was pure entertainment for a crowd I didn't really know. I wrote the odds and ends of my days that took place in and out of school, home, and work. Thinking that moments of my life were only but a story to share.
Long time readers have seen me go through heart break, growth, and change. I have learned that progression through life is merely a state of moving through different seasons, either learning from your past, making changes and moving on, or continuing down the road that meets up with itself on the other side; going around and around in circles.
Recently I found myself going back and reading posts from years ago. And the overarching theme that I found was, 'Wow, who wrote these?' Past stories reflecting a person who couldn't see the big picture. Who wanted to impress people for self gratification.
I was writing like the world wanted me to write. And yet at the time that was normal for me; being the class clown, being outspoken, crossing the lines that most wouldn't, and speaking my mind on empty topics.
Since I started blogging there have been periods of time where I put the computer away and stopped; debated between coming back or not. The frustration of virtual relationships grew tiring and too surface. Here I was creating a place for people to see who I was, yet that was it. And 'it' wasn't enough. Yet what was I trying to gain from it?
If you have seen the progression of my blog then you will know that it has taken a turn. A turn that has been in the works for a long time, yet hadn't surfaced until recently. Writing about things that the world views as the norm is easy. And I throughout this year I have juggled with those norms; What I Wore Wednesdays, Giveaways, blog challenges, etc. All trying to figure out how I can captivate an audience and make that audience grow. Spending hours of my time blog hopping, trying to gain new readers.
If I can just make my blog cooler.
If I can just show people my style.
If I can just get them to laugh.
If I can just, just, just, just.
Then it hit me.
Man, there sure is a lot of I-I-I-I. A lot of focus on myself instead of the One who has led me to the place I am today.
The direction that my life has taken, is one towards God. After He has patiently been waiting through all my screw-ups and faults, I have finally opened the door that He had been waiting behind for all these years. And while the past me was focused on me, the today me, is centered in Christ and His merciful grace and love.
Throughout the last month I have toiled with the idea of deleting Tay Talk for good. Spending more time with those I love, then in front of a computer. And like anything I do in life now, I pray about it. Because at the end of the day, if it's not God's will, then what good is it?
My life has changed, and continues to change in more ways than any of you know. But one thing will remain, and that is Tay Talk. However, my space here is going to go through a complete upgrade. So, whether you stay or leave, I wanted to thank all my readers for your time spent reading the stories I have posted. I will be back, just in a different light.
See you on the Sunny Side.