1, going on 2.

He said it best while I listened to the story again.

It happened when I was 41, and all life before then now seems like dust. I am 5 going on 6. 

When I heard these words there was a shift in my understanding of where I am today.

People ask why the pages of my blog are left untouched for long periods of time; when will my story continue? I've been asked why I don't speak into situations where my voice would be of influence. Why I am able to speak fluently one day, and not the other.

I am 1, going on 2.

25 years of my life have become like dust.

Before I can run I must learn how to walk. Before I can walk I must learn how to crawl. The process after birth is one of learning. Slowly the knowledge of  life in Christ is lived out.

My vocabulary use to be of the world. Articulating stories, ideas, and reasoning from what I had learned from school, Hollywood, friends, and society. I spoke to sound smart. I gossiped to fit in. I swore to sound cool. I became heard to become known. What I had to say was worth listening to, and from my words I spoke to please and gain acceptance from those that surrounded me. And then it was gone, stripped away, permanently taken, vanished.

A vocabulary turned to dust leaves me mute. He would rather me not speak if the words I form are hollow.

Writing is something I enjoy doing; sharing squiggles on a page.

It is a wonder to me how God uses squiggles on paper to do his work in the hearts and minds of people. How are these squiggles transformed into letters and words and sentences and finally meaning? says Richard J. Foster in the Introduction of his book, Celebration of Discipline.

My intent is not to feed you with words that I think you want or should hear. But rather, create meaning and purpose of our realities through the lens of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.

How-to is what keeps me from writing frequently. Figuring out how to make letters and words and sentences and finally meaning. I am 1, going on 2.

Bare with my learning, and pray that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel.